Boyslut

February 6, 2023
Sex columnist Zane (coauthor, Best. Sex. Ever.) calls for an end to sexual shame in this revealing if uneven memoir. He starts by recounting a mostly nonreligious upbringing that nevertheless left him feeling deep-seated sexual shame, driven partly by severe OCD and intrusive thoughts. While at Vassar, he moved beyond heterosexual hookups with the aid of alcohol and cocaine, and after coming to terms with his bisexuality, he pursued his prodigious sexual appetites (by his count, he has had around 2,000 partners). He intercuts accounts of his exploits with insightful discussions of rejection, assumptions about bisexuality, and the benefits (strengthening queer community) and drawbacks (promoting infidelity and fetishization) of gay hookup apps. Zane recounts coming to terms with his vomit fetish and his discovery, while in a polyamorous relationship, that he might be fraysexual (someone primarily attracted to people they do not know well). His arguments about the complications of bisexual visibility are particularly salient, though his cavalier anti-condom attitude and his at-times smug humor (“I’m working on screwing an Oscar winner to achieve my sexual EGOT”) might alienate readers. Zane pushes the envelope, but the results aren’t always worth the work.

March 1, 2023
Zane, author of the popular sex-advice column "Sexplain It" in Men's Health magazine, is a self-styled bisexual, polyamorous kinkster who claims to be horny all the time and has had sex with roughly 2,000 people! That this actually makes him an expert (he'd probably say "sexpert") is evidenced by this lively examination of all things sexual--well, most things. Not exactly a self-help book, Boyslut is, as the subtitle promises, a memoir and manifesto. Thus, he uses incidents from his personal life as jumping off points to examine such things as fetishes, polyamory, porn, hookup apps (Grindr, anyone?), bisexuality (which he defines as "a person attracted to multiple or all genders"), and more. As for the manifesto part, he is at passionate pains to offer a sex-positive narrative about how to overcome sexual shame. His observations are lucid, fearlessly candid, informative, and, well, wise. This doesn't mean they are in any way didactic--they're always accessible, often funny, and, best of all, they leave the reader with the admonishment that "being kind doesn't cost you a dime."

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April 1, 2023
The sex and relationship columnist for Men's Health explores his erotic identity in a series of spicy biographical vignettes. Though Zane was raised in a liberal, queer-affirming household, he "still struggled with being bisexual, polyamorous, and horny all the time." He reveals a consistent struggle with OCD and extensively discusses his burgeoning same-sex desires while at Vassar, boosted by the "powdered courage" of cocaine. The author succeeds at candidly detailing and measuring the value of his sexual exploits. These episodes interplay nicely with perspectives on pornography, rejection theories, the pros and cons of gay hookup apps, and the unabashed promotion of intensive psychotherapy for readers to "delve deep, tackling the root of your shame and insecurities." For neophytes, Zane provides an enlightening glossary of common and lesser-known sexual terminology--e.g., fraysexual, someone who "experiences sexual attraction toward those they are not deeply connected with and loses attraction as they get to know an individual." He also vividly describes a polyamorous relationship involving his then-boyfriend, the boyfriend's wife, and her girlfriend. In his time writing a sex advice column, Zane came to believe that most men "do not have a healthy relationship with sex at all" and are "continuously failing to navigate their sexuality, masculinity, and romantic relationships." These pointed perspectives stem from stories shared with him as well as his own vast carnal experiences as a liberated, "sexually shameless" man boasting over 2,000 sexual encounters. Zane seeks to dispel preconceived notions about bisexuality and alleviate the pervasiveness of sex-negative shame and stigma, but the author's more serious notes on sexual liberation sometimes get lost amid chapters detailing his rampant promiscuity. The book works best when enjoyed as a chronicle of Zane's unapologetically salacious history and the lessons he's learned. His emphatic discourses on erotic liberation, the misunderstood bisexual community, and overcoming sexual shame are credible and noteworthy, but they are often overshadowed. A provocative, uneven confessional from a self-avowed "slutty antihero."

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